Wednesday 27 August 2014

BEZUBA, PART 34

~BEZUBA~


~PART 33~
 





I am worried for you.

Geet looked into his eyes. ‘I think he likes you. He feels strongly about you.’ Kushika’s words rang in her ears n she saw the feeling so crystal clear in his eyes. Love. She could practically feel it. How could she be so dense till now. Maybe because she was so much enclosed in her own bubble. Her heartbeat increased and throat went dry. And all this time she had been lying to him while he- she thought it was friendship.

*I am married.* She signed without thinking and didn’t regret her words.*You can’t drop me home because I don’t live with my parents, I live with my in laws and… husband.*




Her hand fell from his and he was shocked to say the least. He stared at her face for some signs of humor or lie but there were none. After few seconds that were akin to ages, he blasted. Wha- why didn’t you tell me? Geet reared back by the force of his anger.

*I-I hid because my relationship was complicated and-*

And what about us. Me? He asked. Do you know I love you? All this time I was falling for you and you were already… married? Fucking married. How can you do this? He ranted and Geet sniffed in her seat. Eventually he calmed down or say had to because she was only crying n not helping much. Do you love him?

She nodded wiping her tears, for a change she wanted to be honest with Armaan. She loved that Maan who was unreal. Still she loved him and couldn’t spare those feelings to anyone else.

Get out. His clipped, sharp tone surprised her but she obeyed. His car sped off. She stood there crying but after sometime even tears refused to come out. Mindlessly, she started to walk towards KM. Armaan’s hurt face kept showing in her mind, she had never seen him like that and it made her feel sick. His reaction was totally justified. She knew what rejection in love meant. Heart was a very sensitive part and rejection made in it a little hole, it killed you slowly. Did she do wrong not telling Armaan about her marriage? She didn’t have any other option.

Just like Maan didn’t have any.

A small voice in her head said. *But he raped me. That is entirely different.* So you hate him for raping you or hiding the truth?The voice asked. *How does that matter?* She thought. It does… it does, once you sort out why you hate him you would know. She shook her head. Her mind wandered to that night. He had raped her thinking that she was Raji, the real sister but by mistake he corrupted the wrong sister, the cousin sister. Geet felt disgusted at the relief buried under all the other more potent feelings. She felt relieved that it was Maan that night and no one else. And if someone had to be corrupted that night by him, out of the two; she was relieved, again, that it was her, not Raji. Wasn’t she sick, glad on being raped? Geet thought mockingly. She reached KM and walked inside the outhouse. She stared for a long time at the closed door of his room downstairs then she walked upstairs to hers.



A persistent knock on the door broke her sleep and she rubbed her puffy, swollen eyes. There was no remembrance of when she had fallen asleep, she was awake till around dawn thinking and thinking all sort of nothings. Her head was so heavy n felt like she hadn’t slept at all.

She got up from the bed with a hazy mind and opened the door immediately regretting it. His gaze fixed upon her and she almost shielded her eyes. What was he doing here? He hadn’t bothered showing her his face in all these days. Not like she wasn’t thankful for it. She couldn’t stop her eyes from taking him in, all tight muscles on his tall frame. His face gave him away though. He appeared as tired as she felt, and it gave her a queasy satisfaction. His hairs were unkempt and stubble not as perfect rather overgrown. She met his eyes, their intensity pushing her lashes down but she didn’t cave in.

She looked famished and there were dark bags under her eyes. Wasn’t she eating or sleeping? The jab he felt was almost physical and it erased some of his anger. He couldn’t shout at her, not because he had no rights but because his heart wouldn’t allow. There was a colossal urge to engulf her in his arms no matter how hard she protested n make everything alright. Make her his. Only things could never be taken back to how they were just like how she could never be his. Ignoring her appearance, he said. I got a call from the police station. You were arrested last night.

As if she didn’t know. She wasn’t scared or sorry; he should be the last one to care. *I think I did. Sorry it caused you inconvenience. I don’t know why they would think of calling you.* She sighed and he found her so different. She was hiding the real Geet-his Geet-under that hard facade. Not his Geet. He corrected himself fisting his hands. Never his. She started to shut the door but he didn’t let her.

They called at homes of everyone who were arrested to inform what activities their wards were involved in. What were you doing at that club?

*Don't confuse yourself with someone who can question me.* She really didn’t want to talk to him and why he had to come? Why he had to pretend like it mattered? She couldn’t take it. His sight, his voice-anything. And surely she didn’t want the tears to make an appearance again. She remembered that the officers had recorded all information about the arrested people. *This isn’t my home. Soon you won’t have all these problems. Just like me, you’ll also be free.*

His eyes widened but he guarded his feelings and let out a sigh. There was a hit, a spot touched inside some column of her n she realized she missed him. How horrific… if only- if only he hadn’t- he hadn’t what?

Listen- He started but didn’t know what to say. She was innocent but always very sane. She had handled the big city, college, their marriage… everything so sensibly. He had no idea how she could be this careless, rash. She had gotten arrested and police station wasn’t a nice place for someone as naïve as her. I don’t want to impose upon you anything. But-God, if he said to be careful she might do the opposite just to spite him. He didn’t want that. He didn’t want her turning into a brat and, god forbid, get involved in wrong activities. He wanted no harm to touch her. She was staring at him, waiting for him to leave. He felt helpless, so much so that he pitied himself. He cleared his throat searching for words, n praying for her to not shut the door on his face. You should have called me.

*I have people who would help me without any concealed motives. I called Armaan.* She told to hurt him and waited for a reaction. She expected pain, jealousy-anything, something-but he didn’t show his feeling if he had any.

He swallowed the lump. This was what he wanted, her to move on. Not having faith on his voice, he just nodded and left from there. She closed the door and slid down to the floor.



It was Sunday and she was thankful for it. She couldn’t face Armaan. How similar was this to that day when after ragging she had hid in the house. She thought while resting against a tree in the garden. That time Maan had given her courage to face the situation… that night-she could never forget it. He was so understanding, so loving… and it was all fake? She looked up at the foamy clouds in the sky. Going back in the past what only she could associate with Maan were the good memories-his bringing her to Delhi, their bathroom encounter, the karwachaut, his jealousy over Armaan…those flowers. His taking care of her needs from a far. His rocky exterior n tender core. He had become her reason to live. She was so incomplete before meeting him, and later, she didn’t know when he crept in n made her so weak, dependable that all her days and night were filled with his name. Every thought, every dream was associated to him.

Coming back after those six long months he had been so nice. She just couldn’t erase those times from every cell of her mind when he had laughed with her-those movies he had endured because of her-his kisses, his sizzling touch that always set her on fire, and the way he looked at her with swirling desire which always enveloped her, transported her into some other world. The need that she had felt in him, his urgency- it was undeniable, compelling. She was-forced herself to be-disgusted. It was wrong. Not like she didn’t try, she did, to replace his image with what he really was but it was not happening. She wiped the tears that had started to wet her cheeks. It was just not happening. She wanted him. How do you live without someone who you were addicted to but who didn’t existed? Do you live at all?



Nakul’s calm voice pulled her out of inner musings. She hurriedly corrected herself and looked up at him with a smile on her face hoping that it was convincing enough.

Mujhe pata tha aap yahi hongi. Aapke ghar se log aaye hai.

She frowned, questioning inwardly. *Kaunsa ghar?* Standing up she brushed the dust and grass off her clothes and followed Nakul towards the main KM. First thing she saw was Maan, standing stiff, jaws clenched together tightly, turning she found people she had never expected to be there sitting on the sofa. Divya was there too.

Taayi ji, Taaya ji and Teeji Veerji hadn’t yet noticed Geet because she was frozen in her steps. With wide eyes she stared at them; they looked exactly the same-no change. It seemed just yesterday she had left them behind n not more than two years ago. A shiver went up her spine thinking about the times she had spent with them.

Divya- Geet you sit with your family, mai naashta le kar aati hu.Divya didn’t look very pleased but was cordial. She no more despised Geet with as much passion as she used to during the initial days.

All three heads snapped up and they were surprised to see Geet. She felt like putting a sheet over herself, their scrutiny made her skin crawl. If they had come it was surely for some reason.

Without any greetings Taayi ji started. Yeh kya pehen rakkha hai tune. Humne tujhe yeh sikha ke bheja tha. Sheher aakar tu saari sharam bhul gayi… haye Babaji ladki ne suhag ki nishani bhi nahi pehni-

Maan- Koi problem hai Taayi ji? I find nothing wrong in it. His voice was low and calm but it conveyed his message very clearly.

Taaya ji kept a hand on Taayi ji’s and she smiled-a purely fake one. Geet went ahead and touched elders’ feet. Divya brought tea and all and Geet’s relatives were thrilled by the welcome in grand KM. Maan didn’t leave the room even for a second watching them like a hawk. He didn’t trust them and knew like Geet that if they had come it was for a reason. Her relatives tried to strike casual conversation but Maan wasn’t in a mood to entertain them.

Maan- Aapka yaha kaise aana hua?

Taken aback by the straightforwardness, Taaya ji recovered quickly and signaled Teeji. He pulled out a magazine from his bag giving it to Taaya ji. Geet instantly recognized the edition. It had Maan on cover and inside was a descriptive article about his accomplishments outside India and his personal life. Taaya ji gave the magazine to Maan.

I have read it. Maan said irritated.

Humne bhi padha.

Aap padh sakte hai, wo bhi English? It was way too rude but Maan was like that only, if he didn’t like anyone they would know it because he didn’t put efforts in hiding the obvious.

Humne padhwaya kisi aur se. Isme likha hai ke aap shadi shuda nai hai. Humme jaante hai ke kisi ko nai pata ke aap aur Geet sath me ho. Bura mat manna Geet puttar par humme toh pehle hi pata tha ke yeh shadi thik nai hai. Tere lie itne bade sheher me rehna, wo bhi itne bade aadmi ke saath… aur tu bol bhi toh nai sakti. The pity in his voice didn’t make the words any less insulting and it did stung a little although she was used to it. Uss samay toh Maan ji ne jaldi me galat faisla le lia tha.

Galat? Maan asked and Geet saw the veins in his neck pop out from how hard he had his jaws clenched.

Taaya ji- Haan. Par hum smajhte hai, sabse galti ho jati hai.

Taayi ji supplied- Geet tu bhi toh khush nai hai, tabhi toh suhag ki koi nishani nai pehni tune.

Taaya ji nodded- Isslie hum tujhe wapas le jaane aaye hai.

Geet jolted not believing what she had just heard. They had come to take her? These were the people who had always wanted to get rid of her. Her eyes involuntary darted to Maan who sat calmly, his posture stiff but otherwise he looked ice cold. His next words surprised her but she wasn’t scared. She knew he wouldn’t let that happen, the belief stunned her.

Aur uski kimat kya hogi?

Taaya ji- Koi kimat nai hai, Beta. Hum toh bas tum dono ki madad karna chahte hai. Aur Geet toh humaari beti jaisi hai. Usse hum khushi se saath me rakh lenge bas uske kharche me kuch madad ho jaye toh behtar hai. Humaara parivar bada hai yeh toh tum jaante hi ho. Phir ek accha sa ladka dekhke Geet ki dusri shadi bhi karwani hogi, usse ke lie thodi madad.

All this for money. Geet thought disgusted. They had come to reap benefits from Maan on the expanse of their daughter’s marriage. When they considered her their daughter anyways? If they had even in the slightest bit they would right now talk to her too before buying her with money. They still behaved like she was some mute animal that would do everything as per their wish.

Maan- Kitni madad chahiye hogi?

Yahi kuch 10-15 lakh abhi ke lie. Taaya ji said shamelessly thinking that this was going to work.

Mai 50 lakh dunga. At Maan’s words his eyes sparkled with greed.Agar aap khud ko mujhe bech de aur iss ghar me naukar banke kaam kare.

Yeh kya keh rahe ho?

Maan- Aapko sharam nai aati apni beti ki shadi todte hue. Zindagi bhar aapne uske exploit kia, uski majburi ka fayada uthaya aur aaj jab wo aage badh gai hai toh aap usse phir se nark me ghasitna chahte ho?

It was a fact that a morally wrong person would be blinded by his corrupt thoughts so much so that no amount of wisdom could pierce through that blindness. Same fell true with Geet’s relatives; they didn’t know what was wrong because they didn’t care for anyone else other than themselves. To realize you have to care.

Tum hamari baato ko galat samajh rahe ho, hum bas tum dono ki bhalayi ke bare me soch rahe hai.

Teeji- Papa ji sahi keh rahe hai. Humne Geet ki shadi karwani chahi par kaha hui… gao me koi shadi nahi karna chahta tha isse aur dusre gao walo ne bhi mana kar dia. Ek toh bol nai sakti upar se kisi ne iska rape kar dia. Gandgi macha rakhi thi, pura gao thukta hai isp- His collar was in Maan’s hands and the air crackled with his anger.

Maan- Jitney ghinone tum ho, utni hi ghinoni tumhari soch hai. Jake keh dena apne gao walo se Geet ka rape nai hua tha. Wo uthi hi saaf hai jitna usse hona chahiye.

Geet looked at Maan, air knocked out of her lungs.

Teeji laughed- Tumhe kya pata… hum logo ne dekha tha-

Tum logo ne wahi dekha tha jo tum log dekhna chahte the. Wo admi mai tha jisne Geet ko uss raat- Maan gulped, breathing hard, sweat breaking out on his forehead. Maine uska rape nai kia tha, sirf kapde fade the, jo khoon uske kapdo pe tha wo mera tha.

Silence fell thick broken by Taya ji. Toh wo tum the… His colors changed in a moment. Tumne humari beti ke saath…? Tabhi tumne itni jaldi me usse shadi ki. Hey bhagwan aur humme laga… Hum kaise tumhara vishwas kar le, ab toh tum yahi kahoge ke tumne kuch nai kia. Tumhe pata hai hume aur humari beti ko tumhari wajah se kitni zillat sehni padi. Geet tu chal humare sath hum tujhe insaaf diwayenge.

By not saying anything to anyone and blackmailing Maan for money, Geet thought her tolerance giving up and everything in her screaming for this to end.

*Mai kahi nai jaa rai aapke sath.* She sighed. Her eyes filled with anger. She pushed Tayaji towards the door so they would leave.

Geet tumhari itni himmat, saari tameej bhul gai sheher aakar.Teeji walked towards Geet to slap her.

Teeji. Maan growled taking a step forward but Geet had Teeji’s hand stopped in mid air. She wasn’t anymore that meek girl who would let them walk all over her. Maan felt a rush of pride, her eyes were filled but she held Teeji hand with strength looking him in the eyes. Teeji was flabbergasted; she jerked his hand away and opened the door. Teeji wanted to fight. His screaming had all the servants coming; Maan directed them to throw the three out. Geet stood at the door and watched until they were out KM’s main gate lest they came back somehow. When she turned back Maan wasn’t there.

But he couldn’t run from her. Not today, not now.









A/N:
I suck at giving fast updates. Life’s pretty busy and these power cuts are getting on my nerves. Grr. Coming to this part, wasn’t it sensational? I hope so… only a couple of you had guessed it right although I had it planned since the very beginning.

Please everyone leave a comment. Bezuba’s very soon going to end n I really want to know your views-silent readers included.


Just a comment to make me happyEmbarrassed
Waiting eagerly Approve



Sunday 17 August 2014

BEZUBA, PART 33

~BEZUBA~



~PART 33~


Maan was sitting in his study robotically doing his work. Suddenly, a sweet tinkle filtered through the silence. His head snapped and as eyes expectantly stared at the door, everything in him blared with hope. He waited. But there was no one. Again his mind was playing tricks, he thought dejectedly. Over the days, misery had engulfed him completely and he had started to see her everywhere. She would be there when his eyes were open or close n yet she wouldn’t be there at all.

He had decided to leave her the hell alone. He wouldn’t see her. He had distanced himself because he didn’t want to make it any more difficult for her. But it hurt. It hurt so very much. He had thought he was prepared. He wasn’t. And he didn’t want to work anymore. He had had enough. His drive was dead. KC had reached heights, Maanvi’s dream was fulfilled and the company could run without him anyway. He could handover his position to Dia and she would take care of it just as well as he did. Then he would go far off, to a place where his shadow couldn’t reach him-on the hills or past the seas-and dedicate himself to god or something.

But would he get peace there? Perhaps not. She would be there too. In person she would leave him, in mind she would be an ever present mirage. He stood up and his legs led him to a door that was never open for him. Last time he had confessed his sin there when the weight was too much for him to carry. Today, there was no weight yet he felt loaded-with a crushing ache it constricted every inch of him so brutally it was unbearable. Slowly, he pushed the door and walked into the dark room and sat on the floor, laying his head on the bed beside her feet.

Soft sobs woke her up. Dadimaa felt something clutch her heart when she found it was Maan as she switched on the side lamp. His face was hidden from her view but she could make out the tiny cries. He never came to her, not until there wasn’t something related to her health. He came when the doctor made an appearance and he had come when he brought Geet. Geet, again, was the reason for his arrival, Dadimaa knew.

Dadimaa- Maan…

He jerked, wiping the tears before looking at her thinking that he would fool her. Sorry. I woke you up. His voice was hoarse due to crying.

Dadimaa ran a hand over Maan’s head and he was dumbfounded by the act. For the first time in years there wasn’t hatred, anger or accusation in her eyes. Without his consent, a lone tear fell down his right eye. She didn’t comment on it. You look tired.

You are talking to me?

Dadimaa smiled sadly. Haan beta. I think you have been punished enough.

Overwhelmed by her generosity, he pulled himself up on the bed and tentatively reached forward taking Dadimaa in for a tight hug. When she hugged him back he buried his face in her weak shoulderI am sorry Dadimaa. For everything.

Maan, humme pata hai aap sharminda hai aur aapne bahut saza bhugat li hai. It’s time Maan that you move ahead. Geet needs you.

Maine uska dil dukhaya hai Dadimaa. Usse bahut chot pahuchai hai. I have degraded her in every possible way. Par mai kya karta Dadimaa? Maine jo kia uski saza toh mujhe mill hi rahi thi, par mai usse kuch banana chahta tha taki maine jo uske saath kia wo uski zindagi ko aur na barbaad kare. I didn’t do it for myself Dadimaa, I swear. Maine usse jhut bola uske lie, koi aur raasta nai tha mere paas. Par mai swarthi ho gaya. I became selfish and god must have picked up on that, so he decided to punish me more. You know how I found her when I last saw her. In the bathroom, lifeless… her pulse was so weak. I was afraid tha- I couldn’t- mai usse kho nai sakta Dadimaa. Wo zinda rahegi tabhi mai jee paoga Dadimaa, lekin uske paas kabhi nai jaoga, usse aur dukh nai pahuchaoga. He blabbered shaking his head, eyes full of terror.

Maan… wo apse pyaar karti hai, aapke bina nai reh sakti.

He stilled as if slapped. No, she doesn’t. He retorted. She just thinks it’s her duty to love me because I am her husband. I have been the closest man in her life for more than two years so she infatuated.

Dadimaa shook her head. It’s not infatuation, Maan. Humne unka diwanapan dekha hai aapke lie. Wo aapse utna hi pyaar karti hai jitna ki aap unse karte hai. Her happiness, her future… everything lies in you. She was studying so hard so she could be worthy of you. She didn’t want to be a working woman, she wanted to just be your wife and have a family of her own. All she wanted was to give her children what she never got and fill your life with happin-

Just stop. He said revolted. Aap aisa soch bhi kaise sakti hai, after what I did to her when she was just 16… a child.

Apko iska ehsaas hai ke aapne galat kia hai. Maan insaan ek galti karta hai, par zindagi uss galti pe khatam nai ho jati. Uss galti ko sudharne ke baad aap aage badh jaate hai.

Galti aur gunaah me farq hai. It’s been almost 6 years; you didn’t utter a single word to me n you expect Geet to accept me?

Hum aaj baat kar rahe hai na aapse. Aapne uss ladki se bahut kuch cheena hai, aaj aap unki khushiya nai cheen sakte.

Aur issilie wo azad hai, mujhse aur mujhse judi har ek baat se. Mai usse bahut chahta hu Dadimaa, par yeh bhi jaanta hu ke usse paa nai sakta.

Dadimaa sighed, pitying him-seeing the naked ache on his face-he hadn’t just ruined Geet he had ruined himself all those years back in the process.

Silence fell over them and after a while Maan knew it was his time to go.Dadimaa, can I sleep here?

She couldn’t help the small smile. Aap bacche nai rahe Maan.

He blinked feeling embarrassed. Yeah you are right. He started to leave but she stopped him. 

Aap so sakte hai humare paas. I hope you haven’t started snoring over the years.

That you should ask from Ge- He caught his tongue and another wave of sadness submerged him. He got into the bed but knew that even Dadimaa couldn’t bring back his sleep.



In her room Geet felt restless. More than she felt every time. She again wasn’t feeling like eating n dropped the idea of doing her assignment unlike her plans. Closing the lights, she crawled into her bed although it was just 9:30 and she didn’t sleep this early, if she slept at all that is. There was a stirring inside her and she gripped the sheets tightly to herself. What could have gone wrong? She buried herself more into bed resisting the urge to go n check. It was unacceptable to feel anything close to worry for Maan but over the days the fog of intense anger and hurt had cleared a bit leaving behind the never ending musings, not like she didn’t have time. She just didn’t have that much time here.

She wanted to leave as soon as possible. She had already found a place cheap enough. If she asked Armaan’s brother to increase her hours at work she would be able to fund it. Although it would be difficult to manage the job then with college yet far better than living here where she felt strangled trapped in one room at her own will. There was always this fear that she would come face to face with Maan n break down again- in front of him. She had created a damn around her emotions n she was doing fine with that.

Her phone buzzed n she was gratified for the distraction. She opened the message. It was from a girl in her college inviting her to a club. Geet denied. Girlie, ya need to get out. Why r u always so down lately? M inviting u so u cud hav a lil fun.

Fun? What was that? Geet’s new idea of fun was not crying n thinking something which wasn’t painful. She decided to go. Perhaps that would distract her. She didn’t know this girl-Priya-too well. She had joined college this year only n Geet had known her for a few months although they weren’t close.

OK. I’ll be there. Tell me the place. She messaged back.



She met Priya outside the club. It was crowed and full of smoke. Not much, but Geet had visited clubs with friends before. This club she had never been to n it didn’t give her the right vibe. She blamed it on her mind which was restless even when she was at home. Although, soon she realized that it wasn’t because of her paranoia, there was actually something wrong with the club. It wasn’t a good place. So were Priya’s friends. She couldn’t recall any one of them.

*Mujhe kuch thik nai lag rha.* Geet signed.

Priya- Chill yaar. It’s a hardcore club. You are feeling odd because you have never been here. Just stay with me n enjoy.And she went off to the dance floor.

Geet stayed close to the bar where she could always locate Priya and remain out of the crowd. Some guys approached her for dance but she denied not liking the looks they gave and how their eyes roamed over her. With every song the crowd seemed to increase and the place began to close in around her. Bile rose in her throat and she felt scared. When Priya came back to get a drink, Geet desperately held her hand. *I want to go home.*

Priya- Par abhi thodi deer pehle toh tu aayi hai.

*Mujhe ghar jana hai, please.*

Priya made a face but agreed. Okay, I’ll drop you then. It’s getting late. She told goodbye to her friends and they walked towards the exit. However before they could leave a group of people swarmed the place, ambushing everyone inside. Geet was horrified to see that it was police. They started to arrest everyone. Some tried to run but couldn’t, all doors were blocked. Two officers arrested Geet and Priya pushing them out.

Priya- We didn’t do anything. She said but all were saying that only. The police didn’t hear anyone and they were all taken to station.

It was chaotic there, crying and pleading youngsters filled the place . Some were taken away to god knows where. Geet sat huddled in a corner unable to think a way out. She couldn’t talk to an officer and even if she could it would be useless. Tears clouded her vision while she stared at the activities going around with wide eyes. She had never seen a police station before and would never want to witness it again, that is if she got out of here today. Everyone was given an opportunity to make a call.

She can’t talk. Priya told when the officer pulled her to the table and asked her to dial the number. Can I talk on her behalf?

At officer’s approval, Priya turned to her. Whom do you want to call?

Only one name came to her mind.

Armaan was there within 15 minutes and bailed them out. Of course it was tricky and he had to call his brother whom the whole city knew. Priya was crying in the car. I am sorry. I didn’t know there were illegal activities going on in that club. Armaan shook his head, gritting his teeth. He dropped her outside the club where she took her car and left for her place. Then, Geet was alone with him in the vehicle. She sat still, her head lowered.

I can’t believe you could be that foolish. That girl is spoiled, how can you go to some club at her invitation alone without anyone of us?

*I didn’t really think.* She signed not raising her head, ashamed. She was arrested for god’s sake and Armaan had to come to get her out. What was she thinking going to some random club?

Armaan sighed. At least you called for me. He told her and she nodded. She was really lucky to have a friend like Armaan. If he wouldn’t have come to her aid, Geet didn’t know what she would have done.

After sometime she looked out of the window and realized that they were near KM. *Stop here. My house isn’t far; I can go by myself from here.* He stopped the car. *Thank you. Agar aaj tum na hote toh pata nai kya hota.*

You don’t have to thank me. He placed a finger under her chin and made her look up. Then only he saw her watery eyes and tear streaked face. Sign language was so convenient, she didn’t speak and so her voice couldn’t betray that she was silently crying. Shh, it’s okay. You didn’t know about the club and all. It happens. Bas ab se khayal rakhna, hmm? She nodded. Why I can’t leave you home?

*It would cause trouble if someone saw you dropping me.* Truth: It would cause trouble if he saw that she lived in Khurana Mansion. Geet felt pathetic for lying but she had no other option, her whole life was built on a lie.

I heard that you are going to soon share the apartment with Shivani of BSC-ID.

*Yeah. Shivani’s roommate is going to move out in a few days. As soon as that happens I’ll shift.*
                                                                                                                                                                                           
Is your family Cinderella-like? As in evil?

She smiled despite herself. *No, not Cinderalla-like. Still things aren’t as they should have been.* She told sadly and started to move out but Armaan held her hand.

I am worried for you.

Geet looked into his eyes. ‘I think he likes you. He feels strongly about you.’ Kushika’s words rang in her ears n she saw the feeling so crystal clear in his eyes. Love. She could practically feel it. How could she be so dense till now. Maybe because she was so much enclosed in her own bubble. Her heartbeat increased and throat went dry. And all this time she had been lying to him while he- she thought it was friendship.

*I am married.* She signed without thinking and didn’t regret her words.*You can’t drop me home because I don’t live with my parents, I live with my in laws and… husband.*







PRECAP- 
Same as last one...



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Saturday 9 August 2014

BEZUBA, PART 32

~BEZUBA~





~PART 32~





I did another blunder when I wrote ‘Geet said’ in the end of previous update. No she didn’t speak. It was a typo, don’t get confused.



Geet looked up to see Maan who has just arrived and at the same time doctor came out of ICU.

Dadimaa kaisi hai, doctor? Maan asked impatiently and she stood up her own heart raging erratically.

Doctor- Her condition is critical Mr. Khurana. I told you to keep stress away from her. We are doing what we can, rest is up to god. A tear dropped down Geet’s eye and Maan fisted his hand to restrain himself from wiping it away. Mrs. Khurana, she is insisting on seeing you. You can go inside, just don’t make her talk much.

Geet nodded n walked into the room to the sound of beeping machines attached to Dadimaa and a sight that elicited a silent cry from her mouth. She rushed to the bed and held Dadimaa’s hand which was cold and limp. IV’s were inserted in her both hands and Dadimaa appeared so pale. She was the reason for Dadimaa’s this condition. Geet had thought to leave without meeting Dadimaa for she had gotten too close to her. Over the years they had been each other’s light, companions in lonliness and whatnot. Geet had found a friend in Dadimaa and she was the only person in family who openly accepted her with all love and care, without any conditions or complications. If not for Dadimaa, with whom she would have shared her secrets and problems and every single thing… all her feelings and expectations? And that was the reason she couldn’t leave without an explanation.

She wanted to know why Dadimaa had backed Maan up when she didn’t even talked to him. She should have been on her side in this twisted tale but she wasn’t. Guess, own blood was always darker. But Dadimaa said that she did it for her and although Geet didn’t want to accept she knew Dadimaa wasn’t lying. In whole world Dadimaa was that one person who could never hurt her deliberately. They shared more than just a bond that stood on the foundation of her namesake relation with Maan. It was much more than that and now its end had come, Geet thought kissing Dadimaa’s wrinkled hand. If she wasn’t so blinded by her heartache Dadimaa wouldn’t be here.

Geet… She raised her head to Dadimaa’s faint voice. Aap humme chod ke nai jaa sakti. Maan ko ek mauka dijiye. She started to breathe hard. Ek mauka Geet. Maan ke lie nai… aapke lie. Panicky, Geet shouted for the doctor and tried to move back when he came but Dadimaa had firm grip on her hand. Ek mauka… Tears poured out of her eyes as doctor pulled an oxygen mask over her nose and mouth. Geet pursed her lips n nodded. Instantly calm, Dadimaa’s grip on her hand loosened and eyes closed. Geet turned around to see Maan standing in the doorway horrified before the nurse pushed him out and closed the door. When Geet walked out Annie was placating a crying Divya who was never that close to Dadimaa. Before Geet knew Maan was holding her hand n pulling her to a deserted corridor. 

He wouldn’t meet her gaze as he let go of her hand but cornered her against the wall. His business suit was crisp like always but one could tell from his face that he was extremely agitated. After raking a hand through his hair, he again held her wrist. Don’t go. Her heart skipped a beat. I shouldn’t… ask you but Dadimaa isn’t well. If you left now she wouldn’t be- I promise you once she is okay I will arrange for everything.

Arrange. Geet smiled. Her smooth exit from the mansion, his life… after wrecking her completely. He had always been so efficient in everything and she was no different. She jerked her hand back. Maan had never seen her so livid which was a relief. Once he had told her of his sin she had barely showed any emotion, she had been numb n it had scared the hell out of him. He was ready for everything but not this Geet who had curled her emotions into a ball holding it all inside herself and appearing dead. He wanted to shake her, ask her to punish him… but he had left her alone. Left her alone so she could sort everything out in peace and decide how to leave and hate him.

Geet’s abrupt anger morphed into silent cries and she cringed back when he tried to touch her. *Mujhe haath mat lagayiye aap.* She signed, her eyes wide, horror-struck like he was going to contaminate her in some way, and ran from there. Maan wiped the mist from below his eyes.



By the time Geet reached KM she was hardly able to hold back. Just as she closed her room door her body fell down and she cried like she had never before. Tears wouldn’t stop and the temporary miasma of shock had worn out completely. She breathed hard and fast to control the fits that rocked her body but nothing would work.

It was real, so very real.

Geet ran her hands through her messy hairs. Her gaze fell on the laptop he had gifted. Stumbling to it she crashed it against the floor then searched for the phone and banged it against the wall. She opened the drawer and looked for that one watch she had worn every single day. Once in hand she broke it then went for all the gifts he had thrown at her. Everything was his and his, the clothes, the cosmetics, the sheets on the bed, whole room.

Eventually when she was done with her madness, her body pained just like her heart. And, wasn’t pain such a small word? Like love was. Love that she had felt brewing inside herself for him, love that had gotten bigger than her identity. Geet had always believed that if ever she came face to face with her criminal, she would recognize him in first glance but she hadn’t. Here she was weaving dreams for years. She was so dumb. He had always stayed apart and she… gosh, she never figured it out. She couldn’t tell whose fault it was- his hiding or her ignorance. When he had started to tell her everything last night every word had physically penetrated her like a dagger, killing her a little more with each stab. Initially she thought he was lying and later had wanted to believe he was lying. Unfortunately he wasn’t and she had gone numb. Vaguely, she had remembered to wrap the robe around herself before going away from it all. She was very cold, from inside and out. She didn’t care if anyone saw her naked. Because she felt just that, naked, stripped- of everything she had believed in. Her dream had ended opening her eyes to the cruel reality that she had no control over. It seemed like she was watching her life from distance and not actually living it.


Tooti mein kuch iss kadar se,
kuch hosh na raha.
jo dekha tha sapna,
woh bas  kabr ban gaya.
Chaha tha tujhe khuda samajh ke,
jab hosh mein  aayi... toh mein mein na rahi.
Aaj bhikhra pada hai wajood mera kuch iss kadr se…
saans le rahi hoon mein par mujhme rooh na rahi.

-By tabby999


Not a word of his she had thought over, there wasn’t that much strength in her. She was working on autopilot and leaving had seemed the right option. She hadn’t really given a mind to anything as she had dazedly packed her bag with random things and went to question Dadimaa. She hadn’t thought that her leaving would affect her. But she couldn’t stay here at any cost. She would die of suffocation. She hated Maan, loathed him. She had never really hated her rapist, always pitied him. But she hated this man because he had made a mockery of her, lied to her; wrecked her completely to no resurrection. And could she even think of a future now? She wouldn’t be able to love again, live again, dream again. She was lost and she had no one. She was better in her village. At least she knew people there for what they were.

Geet stood up and faintly registered the pain. Removing the stray piece of glass from her foot, she walked into the bathroom and stood under the cold shower. It washed away her tears as they came out but not the pain. Nothing could do that. She remained upright until her legs gave up, not much later she lost herself to unconsciousness.



Maan came home at night not expecting her to be there. If she’d left he wouldn’t be surprised or mind. Divya was staying in the hospital and he had come home to look for Geet. His insane heart said and hoped that she wouldn’t leave Dadimaa in this condition, no matter how selfish it made him he had that trust in her. He knocked on her door and when no answer came tried the handle. It was unlocked. He stepped into the completely destructed room and his heart stopped when his eyes took in the bloody footsteps that lead to bathroom. What had she done to herself? She was under the shower. He turned it off and brought her drenched, pallid body out. Her clothes were soaked and lips were blue. He changed her, buried her under the duvets, rubbed her palms and feet but she wouldn’t warm up. If she didn’t wake up how will he live? He didn’t mean this when he had last night said that she could leave. Geet… he cried holding her face n she squirmed a bit as if in pain. Maan kissed her forehead. He wouldn’t let her go.

Geet found herself for the second time in hospital that day. She looked around to see Maan sitting on the couch in her room. He stood up when she tried to rise and came to her instantly but a second later his eyes hardened.I didn’t know you were that weak. Girls like you have no right to complain for what has happened with them. If you are that puny then you deserve to be crushed, nobody would spare you.His words were brutal. She fisted the sheet in her hand but then realized what he was doing. She smiled. He was so damn desperate.

His one distressed look had made her heart bleed. Today, she was happy to see him miserable. Her eyes were heavy and head swam. Last thing she wanted was him to make her ache bigger so she blocked him out n closed her eyes. Her eyes again opened in her room. She didn’t know how she was travelling places but physically she felt a little better than the last time she had woken up. However she didn’t want to get out of bed. It would be better if sleep simply consumed her again. Sleeping away in oblivion was far easier than facing the reality. Turning her head she looked at the watch n saw Maan sleeping in a chair beside her. She just stared at him blankly. Like he felt her gaze on him his eyes opened n he shifted. You are awake.Geet averted her gaze to stare at the ceiling.

Maan didn’t like the dead look she had. She hadn’t expressed anything apart from that one line and those few tears. He could sacrifice absolutely anything to bring out what was inside her. Are you fine? Do you want anything?

She removed the duvet from over her and stood up, that’s when she caught her sight in the mirror. He had changed her clothes. He had touched her. She had clearly asked him not to touch her. Her eyes were ablaze when she again looked at him. *Aapne mere kapde badle?*

Haan.

*Why?*

His heart clenched. I had no other option.

*I’d told you not to touch me.*

And I said I had no other option. You were freezing when I found you.

*Par maine kha tha ke mujhe mat chuna. Kaha tha ke nai?* Maan looked at her crazed expressions.

If I hadn’t-

*Toh marr jati mai. Already you have killed everything in me. Couldn’t you let me die on my own? Why did you do it? What had I done to you? Answer me… Why did you lie to me for so many days, years? Kyu kia aisa?* She finally was crying to him and she didn’t bother wiping the tears, it was useless. Once started they wouldn’t stop. *Itne saalo tak pagalo ki tarah andha vishwas kia.* She hit her head repeatedly when Maan tried to stop her she stepped back showing him her hand. *Don’t… To get rid of your guilt you ruined me and I thought… I thought… How stupid I was… I tried to win you over and you kept rejecting. It must be so fun right? Seeing me like that, did it give you pleasure? When I tried to seduce you, it was fun for you haina? When I came to your room all those times you must be so happy wondering how foolish I was, coming to her rapist… breathing in a bubble. Did it satisfy your guilt, made you happy? Because if you think that it gave me anything other than lifelong pain then you are wrong. It would have been better that you had left me in a brothel and-*

Enough. He screamed n her hands stilled. If I had told you about myself you would still be married to me. Would that change? Would you take my help then? What you would have done huh? Where would you go, how would start a new life? Or would you go back to Hoshiyaar for another millennium of beating and suffering? I know I did wrong, hiding everything from you but I don’t regret it. I couldn’t have taken the chance of you anywhere which unsafe even in the smallest bit, I wanted you protected n before my eyes not because of the guilt but because-

His hands fisted at his sides. Pleasure…? Enjoyment…? Do you think that’s what I felt? You would never understand what I went through and I don’t propose you to either. I have never had any expectations from you. I dreamed but I knew I could never have you, that’s the only reason I rejected you always… I ran. It wasn’t easy. I craved for you but I couldn’t betray you. I have wanted you every single day, every night but never did I expect anything sexual from you. I hate myself and I want you to hate me. You can do it the rest of your life. Although incomplete at least I’ll be content that you are somewhere living a better life, believe me you will move on. Find someone… He gulped and his voice lowered… Don’t think it’s the end because it’s not. Your whole life’s ahead of you.

She laughed then cried. Whole life… gosh she had a whole life full of misery ahead of her. A life she had weaved around him. You raped me for your sister, hid the truth for me. You are such a great person but what should I do? I am not that great. I can’t move on. I can’t understand you and the same way you can never understand me. You’ll never know. Go away. I don’t want to see your face.



Geet holed up in her room for two days, and then went back to college. She got a cheap mobile and started to search for a condo. She tried to be normal because she didn’t want to explain anything to anyone. Still, no amount faking would deceive her friends; it wasn’t hard to know she was devastated. When anyone attempted to know she just shrugged it off as petty family issue and refused to reveal anything.

A week passed and Dadimaa was shifted back to KM not fully recovered yet. Geet went to meet her a few times-both were careful to not touch open wounds-and made small talks. But actually like everything else there was nothing left of their relationship.

I told you to get that land anyhow? Was it so hard to do? His shouts again filled the outhouse. Geet tried to concentrate on the model she was making but couldn’t even if he wasn’t shouting she wouldn’t have accomplished anything. Her mind always was distracted wandering over to things n the effect was clearly seen on her grades.

Although they were living under the same roof, Maan and Geet never saw each other. He had shifted his room downstairs from where it was before beside hers. He wanted to make her stay as easy as possible for whatever little time she was there. His days were long and he was always frustrated, his temper an active volcano about to explode anytime. His staff had started to fear him because of his high volatility and he had made even Dia cry once. Nights were much better, he beat the shit out himself in the gym until his body gave up and slept off out of exhaustion.

He screamed his lungs out on the phone then threw it away. Maan couldn’t believe his staff of so inefficient. They were all useless. He marched upstairs to go to the gym. His legs halted outside her door. He so much yearned to take a look, he hadn’t seen her in days, but didn’t have the strength to push the door open. It was like a practice for the times when actually she wouldn’t be there behind the door for him to push it n take a look.






PRECAP- 
Geet's relatives from Hoshiyarpur in KM...







M sooo sorry for delayOuch *ducking my head behind the chair*. I m insanely late, don’t want to give any excuses really. Things weren’t just falling in place. I will apologize. Hope the part was good enough.

Coming to the comments, I can’t you how happy you guys made me specially with the elaborate comments that I got, can’t mention all the names because there were so many. I understand all your view points and would like to tell it’s just a story. I don’t support rape in any circumstances and no criminal in reality regrets like Maan either. It’s fiction so take it like that. Thanks a ton for your awesome blossom comments and thank u for all the praisesEmbarrassedBig smile. Like I say always you guys are amazing. Muaah.

Happy Rakshabandhan in advance. Go rob your brothersROFL.





Just a comment to make me happyEmbarrassed
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